CruftBucket

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

"HUSBAND WANTED!

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70’s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!

ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON."

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, "You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you . . . you have no legs!"

The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don’t have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?"

With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn’t I?"
Found at websitement »

With the recent news of Paris Hilton’s jail sentence there have been many fans signing petitions in aid of her plea for pardon.

Well here at CruftBucket we’re law abiding citizens, at least when it comes to spoiled celebrities breaking the law.

So get on over to iPetitions and sign the petition to put her in jail for the crime she committed.

For a more detailed post, with links to new articles check out the post on Mick’s World.

A thirty-seven year old man has been taken into police custody after going on a rampage with a stapler in the busy staff offices of Victoria University in Wellington. It is alleged that the suspect assaulted twenty fellow staff and faculty workers in an attack following a dispute over office feng shui.

“He just came at us,” said Evelyn Jacobs, who works on the same floor as the suspect. “We all heard clicking and then suddenly I realized my boss had been stapled. Some of us jumped under our desks and a secretary of our offices tried to make it out into the hallway to get help. I heard clicking and covered my ears. I don’t know how I made it into the stair well. Everyone was screaming.”

Police and emergency services rushed to the scene and the area was cordoned off. For five hours police negotiators tried to talk the man down. The siege ended around 8PM EST, when the suspect unloaded half a box of 3/8 inch Swingline heavy-duty staples into his own head.
Article found at brainsnap »

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!"

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car", he laments, "and she doesn’t even know how to drive!"

The third, a blonde male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.

However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when i think about it", he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at lease five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn’t even have a penis."
Original found at Avolites Online »