CruftBucket

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events is put into motion:

Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces,
and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine…
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer
while he flips the meat

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that
there’s just no pleasing some women…
Read more at You Can’t Coach That »

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals,
but the animals must be female.
Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is
prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may
only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse.
This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be
covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick??)

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than “going blind!”)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let’s just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the
world that even comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s illicit
lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the
first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the
act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman
and her daughter at the same time

( I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland, it is ill egal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the
premises.”

(Is this a great country or what? Well . . . not as great as Guam!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for this stuff?!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of …. ?)

(Did the government pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Ah, geez.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don’t have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last:

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
Read more at The WVb »

• "My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt."
  - Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player
• "I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman"
  - Arnold Schwarzenegger
• "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
  - Greg Norman, Golfer
• "The internet is a great way to get on the net."
  - Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
• "Will the highways on the internet become more few?"
  - George W Bush (29th January 2000)
• "I have opinions of my own –strong opinions– but I don’t always agree with them."
  - George Bush
• "They misunderestimated me."
  - George W Bush (Nov. 6, 2000)
• "If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight."
  - George Gobel

Read more at 2Spare »

Mountain View-based search giant Google Inc today announced they’ve acquired the internet for the astounding sum of $2,455.5 billion in cash. The deal had been rumored in various search blogs since the beginning of the year and was now confirmed by the company’s CEO. “This is in line with our vision to make information more accessible to end users,” says Eric Schmidt. “With the acquisition, we can increase the speed of indexing as everything will already be on our servers by the time it’s published.”
Read more at Google Blogoscoped »

It seems that Jessica Simpson has really let the cat out of the bag and had a few complaints about her noisy bed manner. She already has plenty of fans of her beauty, she’s going to acquire a large following knowing that she’s a minx in the sack.

Ever heard of More magazine? Yeah, me neither. But they say Jessica Simpson and John Mayer spent last week in Rome and while they were staying at the extra fancy Hotel de Russie, they shocked other hotel guests with their loud sex sessions.

A 22-year-old woman sought medical care for a lesion in the plantar region of her left foot, a well-formed nipple surrounded by areola and hair. Microscopic examination of the dermis showed hair follicles, eccrine glands, and sebaceous glands. Fat tissue was noted at the base of the lesion. Clinical and histopathologic findings were consistent with the diagnosis of supernumerary breast tissue, also known as pseudomamma. To our knowledge, this is the first report of supernumerary breast tissue on the foot.
Read more at The Daily Weird »

Invented by, who else, the Japanese: the Gotta Go Briefcase comes with everything the busy executive needs to be able to take a number two so he can stay number one. Designed by Japanese firm, Niban Too Corp., came up with this after extensive market research to maximize time efficiency of business executives…It’s rated to hold 175 pounds…Dear God there’s something so VERY wrong about this…
Read more at technofart.com »

It looks like the iPhone isn’t Apple’s first attempt at creating a phone. The company filed a patent back in 1982 and listed on December 10, 1985. From what I can see of the drawings, this phone would have been hard to carry around, and looks absolutely nothing like any phones I’ve seen on the market. Did I mention that it looks like an apple?
Read more at myiphone.com »

In case you don’t speak German (just as this hacker), I’ve tried a little translation to English. I might have made some spelling errors, but the original spelling wasn’t perfect either. The guy really said "buy buy" in the German version.

For information:

• The dangerous hacker is called bitchchecker and the one being hacked and original author of the comments, who is talking here, is known as Elch.

• 127.0.0.1 is always the IP address of the computer you’re currently using; any request there will return to your computer.

• Notice that in Germany we get Daylight Savings Time (DST) earlier than in the US.

Read more at electric escape »

Still in the idea stage, a Russian designer known by the name as Dima Komissarov created the Flashbag USB drive that will expand via a micro pump inside the drive. So, the more space you use, the more the USB drive will swell up. When the drive is turned off, the drive itself will maintain its swollen shape (that is if you have a lot of content in it) so without having to plug the drive in, you’ll know approximately how much of the drive you’ve used.
Read more at turbo gadgets »

In order to restore confidence and credibility to instant message communication, and to the Internet in general, I am proposing a new acronym to use in place of LOL to indicate both amusement and a plausible level of physical response. This new acronym is “BNS” or “brief nasal snort.” Please use BNS instead of LOL, unless you actually laugh out loud. Call out your instant message buddies when they give you an LOL and find out if they are in fact laughing out loud or not; if they are not, please educate them on the new nomenclature.
Read more at Geekfoolery »