Loading ...After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpitP: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re rightP: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Found at BassBoat Central »
29 Responses to “Aircraft Engineers are Funny Guys”
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LOL, those are great.
Very clever! Sounds like the techs are capable and competant to add humor to the workplace. Shows a healthy vitality that more workplaces need! Loved the ‘live bugs backordered’ and ‘cat installed’. Great!
Oh my gosh…that was the funniest thing I’ve read in ages! Awesome replies from some clever maintenance engineers.
freakin hilarious
This is actually from Quantas, not UPS - and some of these have been altered a bit to make them more funny.
HAHA, I had seen this same thing a few years back (except it was the Navy, not UPS, and a bit more vulgar). I had been trying to find it. I love Stumbleupon!
great stuff..
we maintain software and i sympathize with the ground staff.. unclear gripes deserve the smart ass solutions
Funny, but aircraft engineers and aircraft mechanics are different animals.
hahaha
I’ve newfound respect for those maintenance engineers!
Originally this meme was about Quantas airlines. Quantas has one of the lowest accident-ratings (albeit not free of incidents) of any airline in the world, unlike UPS who has plenty of incidents with their aircraft.
Additionally, these things are completely fabricated.
I Love finding this list. You see, Ken and I got bored one day while serving in Desert Storm and wrote the list. In 1998 I posted it on the Internet (before I thought of making money on the Internet) for free.
We have been:
“USAF pilots”
“Lockheed Engineers”
“Delta Airline mechanics”
and many many more.
We were really two USAF F-117 crew chiefs.
This is very old and not at all from UPS, but is a compilation from several airlines. I am an AMT and have seen this since I was in school in the late ’90s.
I’d love to publish this in my newspaper. It’s pretty funny.
My brother works as an aircraft engineer and he’s going to love when I show it to him.
pretty funny stuff
For a start the “target radar” is a bit of a giveaway that it isn’t a commercial airline…
BRILLIANT
My favourite is:
P: Flight attendants cold at altitude.
S: Ground tests — OK.
well… i’d like to see a comercial airline company that installs targeting radar and IFF in it’s jets
That’s awesome!
Where ever you ripped this off of, they got it wrong. These are actual transcripts from Qantas Airlines, NOT UPS.
My proof?
“By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.” Thats quoted from the article, yet UPS is not a major airline, they ship packages…
best ever … no matter how many times you read you can’t stop laughing !
I don;t care where its from ….It is funny
the IFF does dot function in OFF mode is a military complaint. IFF stands for Indicator Friend or Foe.
I laughed like a drain reading this, brilliant! Don’t care where it came from or who wrote it, it’s great! My father was an aircraft mechanic for the RAF and would have absolutely loved this!
No matter how many times i might have read it in the past …. still cant stop laughing .
gimme a break. no tech would put these responses in the logbook and without amm references. As always blue collared feeble minds are spoonfed info and believe it without asking for the sources of documentation. you dumb retards.
Loved this list the first time, still laugh now. Great work.
QANTAS, not QUANTAS. Queensland and Northern Territory Air Service.
As someone that flies in helicopters…Those are great