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After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Found at BassBoat Central »


34 Responses to “Aircraft Engineers are Funny Guys”  

  1. 1 Marine2171

    LOL, those are great.

  2. 2 Tom Ewing

    Very clever! Sounds like the techs are capable and competant to add humor to the workplace. Shows a healthy vitality that more workplaces need! Loved the ‘live bugs backordered’ and ‘cat installed’. Great!

  3. 3 Jen

    Oh my gosh…that was the funniest thing I’ve read in ages! Awesome replies from some clever maintenance engineers.

  4. 4 scallon

    freakin hilarious

  5. 5 djb

    This is actually from Quantas, not UPS - and some of these have been altered a bit to make them more funny.

  6. 6 Matches

    HAHA, I had seen this same thing a few years back (except it was the Navy, not UPS, and a bit more vulgar). I had been trying to find it. I love Stumbleupon!

  7. 7 Ambshah

    great stuff..
    we maintain software and i sympathize with the ground staff.. unclear gripes deserve the smart ass solutions

  8. 8 mermaldad

    Funny, but aircraft engineers and aircraft mechanics are different animals.

  9. 9 Vifill

    hahaha
    I’ve newfound respect for those maintenance engineers!

  10. 10 Rebenga

    Originally this meme was about Quantas airlines. Quantas has one of the lowest accident-ratings (albeit not free of incidents) of any airline in the world, unlike UPS who has plenty of incidents with their aircraft.

    Additionally, these things are completely fabricated.

  11. 11 Walt

    I Love finding this list. You see, Ken and I got bored one day while serving in Desert Storm and wrote the list. In 1998 I posted it on the Internet (before I thought of making money on the Internet) for free.

    We have been:
    “USAF pilots”
    “Lockheed Engineers”
    “Delta Airline mechanics”
    and many many more.

    We were really two USAF F-117 crew chiefs.

  12. 12 spdracer

    This is very old and not at all from UPS, but is a compilation from several airlines. I am an AMT and have seen this since I was in school in the late ’90s.

  13. 13 Dave

    I’d love to publish this in my newspaper. It’s pretty funny.
    My brother works as an aircraft engineer and he’s going to love when I show it to him.

  14. 14 nosleepinseattle

    pretty funny stuff

  15. 15 Andrew

    great blog !

  16. 16 blakamin

    For a start the “target radar” is a bit of a giveaway that it isn’t a commercial airline…

  17. 17 Sridutt

    BRILLIANT :D

  18. 18 inz.mruwnica

    My favourite is:

    P: Flight attendants cold at altitude.
    S: Ground tests — OK.

  19. 19 11of10

    well… i’d like to see a comercial airline company that installs targeting radar and IFF in it’s jets :)

  20. 20 sax-a-ma-phone

    That’s awesome!

  21. 21 Sean

    These are fake. The list is usually said to come from QANTAS, the Australian airline that also has never had a crash (in fact one small QANTAS plane did crash many years ago, but there were no passengers on board at the time). My son is a QANTAS pilot and although he finds this list amusing, he’s sick of coming across it, as no airline engineer would keep his job doing something stupid like this.

  22. 22 nsi

    Where ever you ripped this off of, they got it wrong. These are actual transcripts from Qantas Airlines, NOT UPS.

  23. 23 nsi

    My proof?
    “By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.” Thats quoted from the article, yet UPS is not a major airline, they ship packages…

  24. 24 slushmud

    best ever … no matter how many times you read you can’t stop laughing !

  25. 25 spellz

    I don;t care where its from ….It is funny

  26. 26 justme

    the IFF does dot function in OFF mode is a military complaint. IFF stands for Indicator Friend or Foe.

  27. 27 Trustme

    I laughed like a drain reading this, brilliant! Don’t care where it came from or who wrote it, it’s great! My father was an aircraft mechanic for the RAF and would have absolutely loved this!

  28. 28 mud

    No matter how many times i might have read it in the past …. still cant stop laughing .

  29. 29 bs

    gimme a break. no tech would put these responses in the logbook and without amm references. As always blue collared feeble minds are spoonfed info and believe it without asking for the sources of documentation. you dumb retards.

  30. 30 Jay

    Loved this list the first time, still laugh now. Great work.

    QANTAS, not QUANTAS. Queensland and Northern Territory Air Service.

  31. 31 Curtis

    As someone that flies in helicopters…Those are great

  32. 32 David A

    As a former Navy Aviation Electrician, I have heard these before… and yes, this does really happen… to a degree… a favorite is always:

    P: (Something) inoperative in OFF
    S: OFF does not stand for “On For Flight”
    (or)
    S: User error, recommend replacing Pilot

    so to BS… I have no doubt that these are real…. if we dont use humor, we will go crazy with some of the BS gripes out there…

  33. 33 Jape

    Well, I might be the oldest one yet to post, based on the other posts. When I was a simulator tech in the USAF back in the early 80s I saw this as a Xeroxed to death copy. It was said to be from military aviation. I have no idea how old it was at that point, or if it was even true. It’s funny nonetheless.

  34. 34 Jim Olson

    All you Sherlocks should lighten up. It does not matter wether this came from actual maint. logs, or someones fertile imagination. these were so funny, I had to stop reading for fear I would have a heart attack, and my hat’s off to whoever is responsible.

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